Please, any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. How can I improve it? Will this make me stand out?
Freshman year I auditioned for my first large Musical Theatre Production and discovered an extremely unexpected obstacle: stage fright. I soared through the acting and dancing portions of the audition and expected to do the same at the vocal audition. This was a very false expectation. I stepped out onto the stage into the single spotlight and answered the questions that floated to me from two invisible directors seated somewhere in the black abyss before me. I nodded to the accompanist in the wings. The moment the music began, an unfamiliar feeling began to boil inside my stomach. It instantly seized my entire body and I began to violently tremble. I desperately struggled to override this unexpected explosion of stage fright, but knew I’d met defeat when I opened my mouth. Instead of releasing the bold, theatrical voice that came so easily with hairbrush in hand in front of my bathroom mirror, all that my mouth could produce was a squeaky sob that immediately triggered streaming tears. The half comforting, half alarmed voice of the drama director spoke, “You’re ok Taylor. Just take a deep breath and start again.” Apparently he did not hear the screeching and rattling that was echoing in my head, nor could he see the giant boulder that dropped into my stomach. The accompanist began again. This time, my feet took action. They swiveled me toward the exit and sloppily carried my off stage in a fit of sobs and gasps.
What happened? I was so confused and humiliated. First the first time in my 12 years on stage, I failed. I failed. I choked. I did everything but break a leg. In junior high, I had performed solo numbers 3 operettas with more confidence then Idina Menzel herself. I had just taken the lead in the school drama three months earlier as a freshman having never seen a real theater production before. So where did this come from? Why did singing onstage suddenly become an impossibly terrifying task?
Upon reflection I can say that it was mostly likely a combination of several factors relating to the transition from the miniscule tourist town to a school twice it’s size. Never before had sung in front on some one I didn’t know, or for a crowd of more than 100 people. I had never gone to a real audition, but was always handed the roles because options were so minimal. Never had I stood in front of experienced, talented people who had every right in the world to tell me I was not good enough. The dancing and acting auditions I was able to go through with the other competitors. If a scene fell apart, it was the ensemble’s failure, not one of the actors’. If the choreography got off beat no one was able to identify who messed up first, we just started over. But at that moment, I stood alone. I was completely alone in the spotlight, asking to be studied, judged, and critiqued on my execution of something, I suddenly realized, I knew nothing about. I couldn’t do it. My sense of self crashed and burned over the following 24 hours.
I had fallen, but was not down for long. I loved performing and was not about to let stage fright stop me from continuing. More than that though, the experience began to generate excitement. Fear, something I was relatively unfamiliar with, quickly turned into motivation. Failure challenged my self-esteem, and I refused to let it bar me from success and happiness. Remarkably, my name appeared on the ensemble cast list, but that made no difference to me. There was no doubt in my mind that I could get past this new obstacle; I just had to figure out how. I resorted to a concept I learned from A.A. Milne, my favorite childhood author: if you fear it, face it. If I feared singing, then I needed to sing all the time.
Some health complications took me out of school very soon after the audition so I was forced to put the endeavor on hold until I returned to classes in late May. First thing I did upon my return, I edited my sophomore year schedule and signed up for freshman choir. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Fall quickly came around bringing daily singing in front of strangers, multiple embarrassing squeaks, cracks and shrieks, and plenty humble pie. Six months later, I found myself on the same dreaded stage as my audition with a huge smile singing my first choral solo. I had done it. I had overcome the stage fright that rendered me speechless the year before. That was not all I did though. In the process, I discovered the amazing world of classical music and fell in love.
At the end of the year I went through two weeks of auditions and was accepted into Concert Choir as the first student at Southridge High School to skip Women’s Choir and transfer directly to Concert Choir. I also received admission into the Advanced Vocal Ensemble (Avance) which is a four-part choir consisting of the top 20 singers in the school who rehearse at 6:45 a.m. before school. In the spring of my junior year I declared a Vocal Performance Career Academy (Southridge’s version of college majors) and began individual training in opera. A couple months later, I performed an aria and District Solo and Ensemble Contest, receiving a one, the highest score possible.
Yes, I still get stage fright, but I still walk into that spotlight and take the microphone no with fear, just excitement. The failure of that first audition taught me much more than how to overcome stage fright. It taught me that life gives you challenges for a reason. If I had not had such a traumatic experience, I would have never signed up for choir and missed out on countless memories and experiences in high school. Classical music has taken hold of my heart and brought me more joy and growth then I could have ever imagined. I’ve made lifelong friends, learned heaps about myself, and found something that brings me relief and peace no matter what else is going on in my life.
Now when I get scared, or run into to obstacles and challenges, no matter how big or small, I immediately dive head first into them with no hesitation, because I know that I will get something positive out of it, even if there is pain and struggle involved. What the audition taught me has held true in every aspect of my life and shaped me into be who I am today: a successful, outgoing achiever who pushes personal limits and faces every hurdle with excitement and gratitude for what it will bring her.
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